No such thing as a stupid question?

Many teachers will say that there are no stupid questions.  This is false.  Anyone who has taken a college class knows the feeling when that one "question guy" raises his hand.  You think to yourself "NO! Put your hand down!" and once they are called on and start talking, you just keep saying "shut up, shut up, shut up…" in your head until they are done.  I have had the (mis)fortune to have a number of these people in classes over the years and they come in all different forms.  There are those who are out to prove their intelligence, those who are a little slow on the uptake, and those who are just plain oblivious.  If only they had a guide that they could consult before raising their hand that would tell them when it's appropriate to raise their hand, interrupt class, and waste the class's time.  Following are a few reasons that one should not raise his or her hand.  They're all inspired by real people and many of them happen on a daily basis.

• If you weren't paying attention and are about to ask about something that was just clearly and completely covered, ask your neighbor, don't raise your hand.
  
• If the professor misspoke in a way that was completely obvious to everyone in the class, didn't cause any widespread confusion, and the only thing correcting him will accomplish is to waste time, don't raise your hand.
  
• If you're about to ask a question to which you have a full understanding of the answer and are only asking it to show how much more you know than the professor does, don't raise your hand.  After all, your classmates are not paying the University to hear random, unrelated bits of knowledge you have from your previous graduate studies.
  
• If you're going to ask a question then talk to your neighbor when it is answered, don't raise your hand. (This especially applies to clarification questions about things everyone else understands.)
  
• If your question goes into depth about some minute detail that is off-base from the main point of the lecture, don't raise your hand.  This is what office hours are for.
  
• If you didn't understand something and only got around to wondering about it fifteen minutes after it was covered, don't raise your hand.  You missed your chance.  Stay after class and ask.
  
• If you just want to add your personal opinion to that of a professor who is an expert in his or her field, and you are not an expert in that field as well, don't raise your hand.
  
• If you have asked more than a few questions in the last hour (comprising a majority of the questions asked in total), don't raise your hand.  Either you don't understand the material or you want far more depth than the lecture is designed to go into.  Find a time to meet with the professor outside of class.
  
• If you can't see the board and can't take notes fast enough to get everything as the professor speaks, don't raise your hand to ask "what does that say," especially when he just read it aloud.  Sit closer or look off a friend's notes.
  
• If your question incorporates the phrase, in whole or in part, "could you repeat everything you just said?" don't raise your hand.  You should have been paying better attention so you could ask a more pointed question.
  
• If the professor made a joke and you missed it or didn't understand, don't raise your hand.  Again, that's what the people sitting next to you are for.

Professors handle these situations in a few different ways.  Many of them say "good question" and answer it fully.  This is sometimes frustrating as it is a waste of time for those who are paying attention and who have at least an average intelligence level.  The second part of the majority just answer them hastily and move on.  My favorites, though, are the snarky ones.  I had one professor who refused to call on a particular student (a know-it-all type) after one too many outrageous questions.  To one, he responded "That is far beyond the spectrum of this class and I am not going to answer it.  I would be happy to talk to you during my office hours."  Another favorite of mine is when a particular Med Chem professor who, when asked a stupid question, would just start laughing and tell that student it was a stupid question, laughing all through his completely sarcastic answer.  All I have to say in conclusion is: when in doubt, keep quiet and ask after class or send the professor an email.  I know this quotation doesn't fit the situation completely, but I really like it: "It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."